A Typical Weekend With My Boyfriend Charlie Kirk

You may like to make fun of him, but I love him and he loves me.

 
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I arrive at O’Hare international airport on friday evenings just after 7pm, first class of course, Charlie only accepts the best for me. I usually have to wait for the car service, but sometimes they’re on time. The cars always seem to have dealer plates, probably because Charlie is so rich he can just buy a new car to send to pick me up. We always take a different route back to his parents’ house, sometimes the drive takes hours and the route makes no sense at all. The driver keeps the temperature just as I want it but never lets me roll down the extremely tinted window. It’s probably for security. Like I said, only the best for me.

When I arrive betweeen 8:30 and 9, they always make sure the garage door is closed before I get out of the car, again, to keep me safe I have to assume. I take off my shoes and put on a pair of way too small bunny rabbit slippers that I have to assume that stupid twink Ben Shapiro left here when they were dating. Charlie says they weren’t dating but I’m not stupid. As I walk in Mrs. Kirk is always really nice, offers me a fresca. They never have any beer. They don’t have it around the house because Charlie gets all white girl wasted after 3 of the things.

We always have dinner. Of course we never go out for dinner because Charlie does not want to go to Chicago. First of all, he’s afraid of the liberals and the urban types in the big city, but also, he’s kind of a meat and potatoes guy. He’s not really at his best when he’s forced to eat facy foods from the big city. Charlie’s mom orders food for us from DoorDash. A few weekends ago she asked if we wanted curry and Charlie said that curry delivery is just the next step toward sharia law. He’s so funny sometimes.

Since he’s busy owning libtards and running Turning Point USA all week, we usually just relax and play some online video games in his play room. It’s got a comfortable couch and a mini fridge with lots of fresca and some capri-sun drinks in it. I always lose at the games because I don’t play them very often, but I don’t mind because I just like being with Charlie. He’s pretty good at the games but when he loses, he’s always calling the other players the N word over voice chat. I just ignore it, he’s probably kidding.

Then we maybe watch a little TV downstairs with his dad. His dad doesn’t ever really say anything to me. Charlie always refers to me as his friend from California, but I think everyone knows. They’re just super traditional and everyone seems a little bit discreet. It’s not weird, just different. Sometimes Charlie will even sit on the same couch as me, but of course no touching. We aren’t a showoffy couple anyway. Our connection is spiritual more than it is physical.

Then at 11PM or so it’s time for bed. Charlie said he stays up really late on the weekends that I come over and it makes him really tired. Most of the time I sleep in the play room on the comfortable couch. Charlie says that there’s just not enough room in his twin bed for the both of us. It’s fine I guess. All of those superman posters in his room are a little bit creepy anyway. Plus the night light in there is too bright for my taste and the game room gets dark enough for me to sleep.

Saturday we go to brunch sometimes at a little place just up the road from his parents’ house. Charlie says he likes sitting at the opposite side of the table so we can make eye contact during brunch. At brunch I get myself a drink, usually a screwdriver. Then after brunch we all go back to Charlie’s parents’ place and watch Fox News for a few hours. Then it’s time for Charlie’s nap. Trust me, he gets cranky if he doesn’t get a nap in. Sometimes I get to sit on the corner of his bed and talk to him as he falls asleep. While he naps, I usually read email for work or maybe do a little bit of preparation for our Sunday podcast.

When Charlie wakes up we either play video games again or some of his friends come over. Last time one of them snuck in a flask, but it was just Budweiser. Not really enough to share. Charlie introduced me to them as his friend Dave from California who comes to visit sometimes, but I think they know. The only girl they hang out with gossips with me sometimes, I think she’s signaling to me that she knows and she’s cool with it. They all generally leave by 9pm because they have to get up for church the next morning.

Charlie’s parents usually go out somewhere in Chicago on Saturdays. They always invite me, but I don’t go because I need some alone time with my man. We sometimes go out to the back yard and hang out in the hot tub naked, but that’s all I am going to tell you about that because some things are best kept private. Sunday morning when they go to church, the car service takes me to the airport and I head back home to do our show, which Charlie says he hates, but at least he listens and that makes me feel good. He doesn’t listen to Ben Shapiro’s podcast, I asked him, and I believe him.

The reason for writing this article is that I want everyone to know that Charlie Kirk is a person with a family and a boyfriend. He has feelings. He acts crazy sometimes but I love him. I am going to need all of you to stop making fun of him. It breaks my heart when I read the replies to the things he posts on Twitter. Making fun of him and calling him a diaper boy only shows how immature you are, and his lack of response to you only shows how mature and grown up he is. If you knew him like I do, you’d understand that he is confused but he means well. Plus he gives dome like a seasoned professional.

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