Global Chemtrails Summit Was Painfully Boring

The Axiom of the Stable Datum by L Ron Hubbard, read by The Councilman the night before we headed north

The Axiom of the Stable Datum by L Ron Hubbard, read by The Councilman the night before we headed north

So we did a disaster of a broadcast Thursday May 4th, went back to the Echoplex to sleep, then got up, jumped in the Media Wench’s Jeep and drove north, headed out to the Global Chemtrails Summit.  Oh shit, maybe you can’t see what’s on the other side of that link because like me you were blocked from the event page on Facebook.  Here’s another link for the few and the proud… but not really that few if you think about it.  Whatever, here’s the flyer.

We stopped for the night Friday night just outside of Redding, which in hindsight wasn’t ideal as we could have easily driven farther north the first night giving us less driving to do on Saturday, but enough about that, I am just trying to fill some space here because this article, like the summit itself, is probably pretty fucking boring.  But more on that after this next paragraph about the trip up to the summit.

As we drove up, listening to the Local Love music catalog, we were discussing whether or not the conference was going to be a total shit show due to all of the chem-drama going on at the time (see derpwars facebook posts for the first week in may).  Here’s an example.

The thread has been deleted, sad.

The thread has been deleted, sad.

As we got more and more hazy, we started thinking about whether or not there might be a brawl at the conference.  We were obviously high as fuck and delusional, nothing could have been farther from the truth, excitement wise.  Unfortunately there would be no WorldStar Moon this weekend.  We wondered if we would be asked to leave or if some other weird shit would go down.  No such excitement was forthcoming.

After a fun drive up, we checked in to the cute little Airbnb, cleaned up a little, and called for a ride to downtown.  We met up with 2 members of CAKU (the best Chemtrails group on the internet) for burgers and drinks, I ran and bought some weed at one of the local shops, and then, after parting ways with our friends from CAKU, the Media Wench and I went around the corner to a (mostly empty) gay bar.  On a Saturday.

I slept in the next morning, which I thought was a mistake at the time, but looking back on the weekend, I now feel that I made the right choice when I didn’t get out of bed when I woke up at 9:30am.  So we had some breakfast and drove over to the University for the big event.

When we arrived we were greeted by nice older women who surely voted for Jill Stein.  There were stickers and pins and flyers and a few shirts for sale.  I noticed a donation jar that was surprisingly empty and what I did see was mostly 1s.  I know how expensive it is to rent a hall but I don’t want to encourage these people, so, I settled on $15.  A $10 and a $5.  If I am being honest, those were simply the first 2 bills in my wallet.

A sure fire way to get left alone on public tranist

A sure fire way to get left alone on public tranist

Not exactly a packed hall at the summit.

Not exactly a packed hall at the summit.


When we walked into the conference hall, Matt Landman was speaking.  He bemoaned the fact that there were next to no (okay no) college students in the room, but rather mostly older people.  An older woman who I can only assume was another skeptic there for kicks said something like “they’re all outside, it’s nice out”.  This was likely the highlight of the conference.  Landman said nobody was looking up because they’re always looking at their phone.  He mentioned that he hadn’t “awoken” enough people to crowdfund his attempted coast to coast chemtrails road trip.  Blah blah wake up blah blah.

So we went to the plaid pantry (they’re fucking everywhere in Portland) for something to drink.  We heard a band, we went and checked them out.  Then we smoked a joint behind hall where the conference was being held and went back in.  The speaker was the person who wrote this book:

Because your kids need to grow up to be just like the people speaking at this conference.

Because your kids need to grow up to be just like the people speaking at this conference.

She mentioned Peter Mitch from CAKU, the highlight of her talk.  Then we broke for lunch.

As we were getting up, one of our friends from CAKU found us in the hall and we went with him to lunch.  We didn’t eat, we drank our lunch.  I had a lovely stout.  Media Wench enjoyed herself a nice red beer, as she is ought to do.  The other fella we met from CAKU the night before joined us and I took this picture.  Good times.

See, CAKU is just normal people who are tired of your bullshit

See, CAKU is just normal people who are tired of your bullshit

One of our CAKU pals had to leave, and the other 3 of us went back in to the conference.  We didn’t all sit together.  We probably could have, but whatever, we were in-cog-neeto.  Some older dude with a raido show was talking.  I don’t believe he said anything interesting.  If I find something interesting in the audio we captured I will be stunned.

And then came the main event!  MadisonStar Moon.  Her “talk” was a commercial for herself, her complaining that people make fun of her on the internet, and a thank you to the event organizer.  She mentioned Echoplex and CAKU, but not by name.  Since the conference wasn’t put together very well at all (not like we didn’t offer our help) there was no high quality audio or video from the organizers.  Here’s her speech, from her youtube channel.

Full audio of her speech, which we recorded.

Next was Patrick Roddie, who mentioned CAKU specifically, said some other bullshit, and then soft peddled that violence might be necessary to wake people up, or something like that.  His talk was also painfully boring, some of the people who were there, probably on a field trip from the old folks home, were asleep at this point.

Full audio of his speech, which we recorded.

So we went and had food with our new friend from CAKU, the Vientamese place was great.  Then we went to sleep, woke up and drove home.  Here’s some pictures from the weekend.  The summit definitely was not the highlight.